AstrologyDating.com Blog

It seems like everybody has to deal with the soul searing pain of a broken heart, at least once in their life. Outside of losing someone to death (which is its own form of heartbreak) I can't think of anything more painful. If you have recently been separated from your love, you may need a few days of crying your eyes out in front of lame hallmark movies (especially if you have a Sun, Moon or Rising in Cancer, Scorpio or Pisces), hunting for a boom box so you can blast your "song" at their bedroom window while trying to look macho ( Aries, Leo or Sagittarius) or write them a 12 page letter (after a 6 day relationship) delineating the reasons your relationship is worth saving (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) or simply going over the relationship in your mind ad naseum while gorging yourself on comfort foods (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn)   but eventually you will start to recover.

As a tenth house sun with Venus in Gemini,  I have my own personal heart trauma recovery system but I realize that eating bologna sandwiches,  potato chips and french onion dip while writing love letters (or hate mail as the case may be) might not help people who aren't as eccentric as I am. So instead of that (though you may want to give it a shot) I offer this:  survival tips of the forlorn.

Tip #1

Stay sober.

It may seem easier to drown your sorrows, but getting liquored is likely to lead to drunk dialing (or these days, tipsy texting) and once you hit send or leave that message there are no backsies. I know you think if you just remind him of that time you _____ , he will come to his senses and realize how amazing you were together. I simply encourage you to let all your communication be during your sober moments because drunk people say dumb stuff. Don't call, text or email. If you do the last two SAVE TO DRAFT!!!

Don't believe me? Go spend an hour in any bar on a Saturday night while you are completely sober. Though people look like they are having a LOT of fun, they usually look really silly while they are doing it. Plus alcohol is a depressant so why add any more misery into the mix.

Tip #2

Buddy up.

If ever there was a time to get by with a little help from your friends - this is it. You know those friends you have been feeling guilty you weren't hanging with because you were in love? Now is the time to go see that movie or grab a cup of coffee. Yes they know you will not be able to talk about anything other than your ex for longer than five minutes. Its okay: they have been heartbroken before too, they get it.  You need the distraction and they will understand that it wasn't personal... just like you will understand the next time they ditch you because they are in love. Reach out to your friends or go find a new crowd to hang around in. Believe it or not, plenty of people really like to make themselves feel good by helping other people. You could actually be doing them a service by letting them listen to you. Even if its just a simple "Well it could be worse... I could be you."

Tip #3

Play Ball.

Go outside and play. One of the worst things about a break up is the beating your self esteem takes. Hitting the gym or playing a little pick up ball with your buddies, will not only raise your serotonin levels (which will help your heart heal) but will also get your body back in shape. Nothing like looking great to make that ex rethink their departure. Join a hiking group or start playing tennis again. Whatever it is that you "used to" do its time to get back to doing it. Got a dog? Take it to the doggy park to play. You will be outside and your dog will be thrilled. Your brain needs it and your body does too. Plus: lots of attractive single people have dogs and go to dog parks. Just sayin'.

Tip #4

Help a Brother Out.

Now that you've had a couple of days to sit around feeling sorry for yourself, its time to be proactive. Go find a soup kitchen you can volunteer in, or head over to a retirement home and let an elderly person tell you about their life. Taking the focus off of yourself and putting it on others will make both of your lives seem a little brighter. Plus: that elderly person might just have a son or daughter that would be a perfect match for you. Feeling sorry for yourself is sort of unavoidable for a few days after a heart break. Sometimes even a few weeks.

The cure for self pity tends to be perspective. When you see other people suffering far worse than you are it makes it a lot easier to get perspective. Yes, your heart is broken but putting food on the plate of child who's mother is struggling so much that they have to eat at the mercy of others is kind of eye opening -- as is hearing the life story of a wonderful of elderly person who's mind is sharp but who's body is not as cooperative. Perspective. Plus: the deep spiritual folks are always saying that a life of service is the path to happiness. They can't all be wrong.

And Finally

Tip #5

Take Inventory

Okay, I know you probably still want to go through all the facebook photos of the two of you together, but Confucius said "Touch wounded heart as little as wounded eye". Seems like darn good advice to me.

Stop torturing yourself with what could have been and focus on what you have right now. What do you bring to the relationship table? Are you a master with a barbeque? Do you find the humor in everything? Love giving foot rubs? Make a list of what you think you bring, to a relationship. You might notice that you actually have a pretty good dating resume and if you don't, you will get some ideas on how to beef it up for the next one. Maybe its time to take a cooking class or watch that self improvement DVD your hairdresser keeps telling you about. (As a hairapist for 15 years I can say with authority that if your hairdresser is telling you to read a self improvement book its because they know you need it).

It would also be wise to figure out how you could have shown up differently in your relationship. The truth is, we are all sort of a work in progress and believing the demise of your relationship was entirely because your ex was a completely lovable total jerk probably isn't going to help your next relationship much- especially if you end up getting back together with the last person. At the very least you need to figure out why you would choose that person.

All your friends have probably jumped on the "It wasn't you, it was them" band wagon because, well,  they are your friends. You need to be on the "okay, so what work do I still need to do?" train so that you don't find yourself right back in this same position, in the future. Is self improvement a relationship guarantor? Nope but its definitely more proactive than sitting around watching Lifestyle television and stuffing your face.