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How to Turn Down a Date Request (0)

Featured in the newsletter: Is Honesty The Best Policy?

2012 | Oct 26

By Kim Patron

Question:  What is a kind, considerate and classy way to turn down a date request while allowing the other person to maintain their dignity and not feel rejected?

Answer:  If you hate the idea of hurting a person's feelings or making someone feel embarrassed for asking you out, check out the following tips for gracefully turning down a flirtatious invitation.

1.  First and foremost, don’t say “yes” or “maybe” if you mean “no.”  Going on the date simply to spare someone’s feelings is not doing the other person a favor; what you’re actually doing is wasting both yours and your date’s time.

If you’re feeling nervous when asked and you’re about to stammer out a, “Sure, that would be great sometime,” simply stop yourself, smile and say something like, “I’m sorry, but I’m not interested.  Thank you for the offer.”  Or, “I’m not great at saying no, but I want to be honest about not wanting to go out again.  I hope you can appreciate that.”

“No, thank you,” works well too.  Short and sweet is good.

You don’t need to get into explanations such as, “I don’t date smokers,” or, “I don’t really have time to date much right now.”  That could open the door for debate and possibly even some white lies.  Who needs it?

2.  It’s great to have an awareness of the impact of your actions on another person, but remember that you actually cannot control how another person feels.  That’s their business - not your responsibility.  No matter how hard you try, there is never a guarantee that someone will feel or react in the way that you’d like them to, as it isn’t entirely about you.

Some people appreciate honesty while some others feel triggers of old wounds related to rejection from their past.   

Speaking from a place of integrity and thoughtfulness is fundamental, regardless of how the other person reacts.

3.  This type of truth telling may bring up self doubt and self judgment.  Some people question why they would say “no” to a nice person, wondering if they’re too shallow or too anything else, for that matter.  It’s one of the places where dating can be challenging. 

Honesty is integrity, and it is just as important to be honest with yourself as it is to be honest with another person.

Along with dating comes a range of uncomfortable and heart opening places inside you.  Stay present to it, while honoring your choices.

At the end of the day, if you’re not interested, it’s not meant to be, and that’s ok. 

4.  An ego booster never hurt anyone.  If I was being rejected, I might like it if someone also said something nice to me.  It could be as simple as, “I think you’re really smart though (or good looking, or interesting, or whatever) and I enjoyed meeting you.”

Of course, if you don’t have anything nice to say, you can skip this one.

5.  Last but not least, remember that when you say “no,” you’re giving the person a chance to go out and find the one who really wants to say, “Hell yes!”  In that sense, your honesty is truly a gift.

Kim Patron is a writer and an online life coach.  She writes a free weekly coaching blog on her website that centers around her unique approach of helping her clients develop and maintain a relationship with their Souls.  This powerful connection enables her readers to more easily live their life’s purpose.

To read Kim’s blog and submit questions for her free advice column, visit her website at http://soulestialservices.com/.

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