(Due to a freak blogging injury, Matthew Currie is not available today. In his place we present a Special Guest Blogger... the planet Uranus itself. Your slightly less massive and less methane-filled blog will return next time.)
Hi everyone. Hope you are all enjoying your smoothly-running, predictable lives, and are having a good time here on my favorite astrology dating site. I'd like to take a few minutes of your time to correct some misunderstandings about the nature of my tour through Aries.
It's my job to bring unusual and interesting circumstances into your life. Of course that's true of all the planets, but my deliveries have more of an unexpected, sudden feeling to them... even when they are as a result of things that have been boiling away quietly just beneath the surface, sometimes for ages.
You see, aliens will be landing. But, don't worry... everything will be just fine, and life will go on as usual. Stay calm. Some of them have landed already. They've landed in your work place and your relationships and in your head.
They haven't hatched their insidious alien plan just yet. As a matter of fact, they're likely laying low right now. If you think back over the last week or so, you probably even know what department of your life they landed in... but even if you don't, don't worry. There will be more to come.
Funny thing about when aliens land, if you've seen many movies on the subject: it's always so quiet at first. Then a dog or a teenager goes missing... but of course there's a "reasonable" explanation for it. The one person who thinks they know otherwise? Always branded as a kook. Eventually though... what was quietly brewing hatches out, and all of a sudden it's Big Time Ugly out there.
Don't be afraid, though. Your life isn't a movie, and I'll be turning retrograde in July and will be out of Aries by August. I won't be back to Aries until next March. That ought to give you plenty of time to pull the blankets over your head, remind yourself that there aren't really aliens hiding out there, and go back to sleep.
Those peculiar rumblings and shifts you've felt deep down in your being, the last week or so? Forget about 'em. I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for it all. Besides... this is a sleepy little tourist town, and nothing ever happens here, right? Dogs run away all the time. And that big weird symbol out in the corn field? Probably college kids. College kids are always doing stupid stuff like that. So quit worrying already. Those little signals you've gotten recently are probably just your imagination. Weird, unexpected stuff never, ever happens. Go back to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day, and will be filled with small, manageable surprises. Always. Nothing out there is going to be messing with your quiet, well-ordered life. Honest!
I love a good surprise. Don't you?