When it comes to love, dating, and relationships, do you have a pattern? I’m guessing you do, because we all do. Each of us tend to repeat patterns in many different areas of our lives… until we change.
I’m a life coach and a writer, and I use astrology, philosophy and spirituality in my work. The spiritual piece of my work involves teaching my clients about their Souls. I believe we all have a Soul and that our Souls create our lives.
I believe our Souls bring people into our lives for us to learn from. I believe we are here in life to learn things, and the main thing we are here to learn about is ourselves. I believe that, like a mirror, every relationship we are in, and every person we are in relationship with, shows us a reflection of ourselves.
It can be hard to see the pieces of yourself (especially when you’re in the moment) that someone in your life is showing you, but I think if you look at your dating life on the whole, you can start to see a pattern that can give you some very important information.
Here’s where it gets more complicated. You know where all this ‘patterning’ stuff starts, right? Of course… it comes from your CHILDHOOD.
If you are dating men: are the men in your life treating you the way your dad used to treat you? Come on, be honest. It won’t be completely the same in every way, but are some of the hot button issues the same, perhaps?
If you’re dating women: same questions. Do the women in your life make you feel the way your mom used to make you feel? Or the way you wished your mom would have made you feel?
These are some heavy thoughts to put on the person you are, potentially, making out with; I realize that. But it gets you thinking. If you are looking for love, it can be worth your time and effort to go there!
What’s your pattern?
I’ll give you an example. I have a female client who could not hold onto a long-term relationship. She dated a lot, men were interested in her for a little while, but, as time went on, as she would say, she just kept “getting dumped.”
“Why, why, why?” I asked. “You’re a fantastic woman and there’s no good reason for this to happen to you.”
We thought about it, analyzed it, and worked on it. With time and exploration, we learned two important things. First, who do you think dumped on my client repeatedly in childhood? Her dear old dad.
Second, who do you think was still dumping on her every single day of her life? My client was dumping on herself.
Her repressed, buried emotions from her unhappy childhood contributed to her low self worth, and together these created an external result/reflection of being unloved by men.
This vicious cycle needed to be broken.
The thing here is that we all have some sort of buried emotions that wreak havoc in our lives. The other thing is that they can be brought up and out. You can release old feelings once you figure out what they are. Long-standing patterns and deep, core beliefs can be altered.
My client needed to learn (and did learn!) that her value was not based on what some man thought about her or on how long he stuck around. She needed to find her own inner male to become whole. She needed to lean on her Soul for strength, not on a man.
Like my client did, you, too, can use your relationships as a tool for learning about yourself. In fact, why not make it a point to learn something about yourself from every single person that you date? They all have a message for you.
That way, even if things don’t work out with the guy or gal, at least you’re getting something valuable out of the experience.
Kim Patron is a writer and an online life coach. She writes a free weekly coaching blog on her website that centers around her unique approach of helping her clients develop and maintain a relationship with their Souls. This powerful connection enables her readers to more easily live their life’s purpose.
To read Kim’s blog and submit questions for her free advice column, visit her website at http://soulestialservices.com/.
May 12, 2012 10:33 AM
May 25, 2012 6:55 PM