Safety

HOW TO STAY SAFE IN THE WORLD OF INTERNET DATING!

If you watch the nightly news you might think stepping out your front door every day is practically putting your life on the line. As much as the media likes to repeatedly beat us over the head with horror stories, the truth is that it is important to protect yourself in the world of internet dating. Actually, it's important to protect yourself no matter how you've met the person you are planning a date with. So let's go over a few things that may stop your dating story from becoming a movie of the week for all the wrong reasons.

On A First Name Basis?

Do not use your full name as your username or include your last name to sign your emails. It's much too simple to get personal information on someone with just their name and city of residence.

It is a wonderful thing that the relative anonymity of email allows people to reveal more about their internal thought process than they normally would. Emailing feels safe, almost like journaling and I love that this truly does allow people to open up. I believe that sometimes you can actually get to know someone better in this venue than you can in person. People who are normally shy and reserved find themselve s able to express their thoughts freely. This is a fabulous thing. However, Don't set up a date after the first email. I have had some very interesting and fun email conversations with a potential date and then had him freak out on me for not responding quickly enough to his email or over something I said in jest. Shocking how many people are humor impaired. Nice to get the tip off before I have taken the time to meet them in person. I don't care how charming, witty, profound, insightful or inspired the first email is, you need more than that before you set up a date with someone. Remember Ted Bundy? Very charming guy. Who killed people - regularly. My personal system is to make sure we have exchanged at least three emails before I meet someone. I have saved myself a lot of time with this.

Temper Your Enthusiasm!

I encourage you to meet them and look them in the eye before anyone has anyone else's phone number. If you feel like you need to talk to them before the first meeting here's what to do. As a lady I like it when a man calls me. However this being a new day and age a phone number can be traced to a whole lot of information. Like your home address. Again with the Scary. In the near future we will have a secure call feature but between now and then here's a system that I find well works for me. We establish a time I will call them and I dial *67 before their phone number and it blocks my phone number from their caller ID. (Gentleman I realize this part is a bit skewed toward protecting women but since in most cases you have the advantage of being bigger I have to gear this a bit toward protecting them). In the event they do not answer the phone leave them a message asking them to email you another time to call. Do not leave your number for them to call you back. We tend to do that automatically without thinking - so be sure not to fall into habit here.

NOTE: If he does not answer or she does not call at the established time more than once then it's time to move along. You deserve to be treated respectfully and people who do not do what they say they are going to do are disrespecting you.

Does Everybody Know the Plan?

Tell someone who, when and where you are meeting your date. I like to be early and tell the wait staff that I am on a blind date. I have had more than one bar-tender get different guy's number and slip it to me when he could tell the date I was on was not going well but I digress. . .

Bring your cell phone. Make sure it's fully charged and do not forget it in your car (I have done that a few times).

Pick an easy to find, well lit, busy location to meet. I prefer to meet at a Starbucks or place with a nice bar for the first meeting. Though I encourage you to either limit your alcohol consumption or abstain entirely on the first couple of dates. Beer goggles are not your friend.

I have actually had a man ask me to meet him in the parking lot of the Palace of Fine Art in SF after hours in November. I laughed out loud at that suggestion and asked him if anyone had actually been dumb enough to do that before. They had!!! We ended up meeting at a nice restaurant in the Marina instead. What was his name again?

I had a client tell me one day that she was planning on meeting a man she met on the internet for the first time at Starbucks at 5:30 AM to then get in his car and drive to a small, scantly populated coastal town to go scuba diving. Isn't that the premise of a Stephen King novel? I tried really hard to explain the many reasons why this was an incredibly ill-thought plan but she wasn't hearing it. I almost called the local Catholic Church to see if they could send someone to administer last rights as a precautionary measure. Fortunately, she was fine but only because she was lucky - not because she was smart. The only smart thing she did was tell me the name of the guy and the location they had planned to meet. Would have helped the cops to track him down if necessary.

Do not give your full name, address or phone number to someone you haven't squared off with and checked for crazy eyes. * Note: crazy eyes can be illusive; they don't always pop out on the first date.

Excuse me but did anyone see where I put my boundaries?

Do not give someone you have just met or barely know, your stuff. Do not ask someone you have just met to give you their stuff. That simple. Seriously please have the good sense not to give money to a date who asks you for it. Period. Someone you have just met through this venue should never ask to borrow money, loan them your car, make a donation to their charity or invest in their new business. If they do they are either a con artist or exceptionally socially inept! In either case don't give them your stuff and do not go out with them again. Yes, it is that simple. No, they do not have "potential." If they have to ask you instead of a friend or family member they are not a good bet for a relationship.

Hey look I am still standing!

Do not get into the car of someone until you have been out with them at least three times unless you have met their friends and they are willing to sign an affidavit that they are not a serial killer. And, let's face it, serial killers are good with the lying so I'm gonna have to stick with my previous suggestion. I don't care if you have "looked into their soul," "connected on a deep spiritual level" or found them "insanely hot" it's just plain dumb to let yourself be so physically vulnerable. If said date or friends have prison tattoos take your own car no matter what they say or sign. Short timers generally don't get Tatt's. Just so you know.

Do not leave your drink alone with your date. There are too many stories in the news about drugs being slipped into drinks and bad things happening. We would like you to avoid being one of those previously mentioned news stories. Yes it is okay to bring your drink with you to the bathroom. Strange but true.

Print this InTheStars.com blog, cut out numbers 1-5 and put it in your wallet.

1. I'm sorry I didn't get your name---that's right and you won't until I know you much better. Don't use your full name as your username or to sign your emails.

2. Get to know someone a bit before you meet for the first time. At least two (preferably three) emails and sometimes a phone call before you schedule a face to face meeting.

3. Marco/Polo! Tell someone who and where you are meeting. If you don't have any friends leave a message on your own home answering machine. And then make a point of being nicer to people!

4. We don't like jerks anymore than you do! Report Abuse. We take member complaints seriously. Please report behavior such as inappropriate photos, abusive language or requests for money to AstrologyDating.com so that we can address the issue promptly. If we feel the need to remove a member due to inappropriate behavior we may notify you that we have done so and encourage you to discontinue communication.

5. Breath mints-check, Cell phone-check, Common sense-check! Provide your own transportation and cash. Finish your drink or take it with you. Do not leave it alone with someone you do not know well. Let the waitstaff know you are on a blind date. They will have your back. Bring your cell phone. (I highly recommend the iPhone. Seriously if I could find a man who made me as happy as my iPhone I would be married. But I digress. . . ). Just make sure you have one that is fully charged and in your possession.

Okay now get out there and get dating!

Cheers!

~Hilary

Quantcast